Well, I realised this morning when I looked in my mirror that undoubtedly, at the age of 16, I have developed a wrinkle in my forehead. A few have said I'm being absurd, but it's there, I can see it. It's a stress wrinkle, one that rears it's ugly head, more often when I'm upset. These days I've found I'm almost always upset, the new found maturity instilled within me not being matched by my partner of one year.

It's odd feeling like this, where I know what I want yet he doesn't and he seems to think that it's okay for him to drag me along for a terrifying and often painful ride. It's simply not fair and not mature of him to expect so much from me. He treats me with little respect and I'm fed up with it. I honestly, honestly am. He's caused me to grow up much faster than I ever intended, but that's the way life is, and now I am accepting it.

But the fact is, I love him. No matter how much I hate him, in reality, I really do love him more than anything else that my life has to offer.

Unfortunately, love is most certainly not for the weak as during this first year we've practically had 10 years of marriage crammed into that small time period. There has been infidelity, lying, break-ups, getting back together, sex, hatred, love... It's not a relationship I'm particularly happy with, but I guess that's why I stick with it because despite it not being perfect, I know that if I stick at it that eventually we can work it all out. I mean, otherwise why would we have survived all of that? Just to break up when it reaches a significant length in time? No.

I've tried to leave him, but he's worth the pain. I'll stick with it. I need him no doubt more than he needs me and I guess it's a 'no pain no gain' type situation.

The other problem however is his friend, someone very close to my heart who has helped me get through all the turmoil and tests. He's been there whenever times got tough or I just couldn't hold myself together. And when that happened, his words of kindness and love would keep me sane, as I knew that someone out there really did care about me. My Michael.

I shouldn't be saying this... As most people don't even know the way I feel about him, or him about me. But it's the truth. I don't love him by any standards, but he's my intoxicating drug that I can never get enough of and everyday I find myself needing more than I did that last.

I'd always wanted to grow up when I had been little, always wanted to be just like mummy and daddy. What I didn't know what that when you grow up, when you mature... you can't be ignorant anymore. Everything bombards you. It's a sad fact of growing up.

I hate this new found maturity.